I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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