so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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