If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
