i just wanna soil my oats bro
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
