So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have aggressive nipples.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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