she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
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