trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
