I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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