I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
