I feel like abortions should bother me more
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
