I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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