btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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