dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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