I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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