peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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