Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
cat food counts as protein by the way
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
