It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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