I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize