I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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