Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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