I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
