I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
