I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think my vagina is haunted
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
