They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
