Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
