I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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