STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
