mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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