Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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