the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
