so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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