I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
