Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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