I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
