It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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