found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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