Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
