chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
