Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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