I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize