you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
