Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
