i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
