Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
