It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
