Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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