the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
