It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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