did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
FUCK WHALES
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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