He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
