I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
