Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
