what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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