i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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