No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i've created a new STD.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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