she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
