i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
