she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
