Don't make out with my wife yet
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
