his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
