did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We need to get me chipped asap
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
