I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize