Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize