I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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