Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
