she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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