piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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