Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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