the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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