so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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