i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
