I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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