So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
