It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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