Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
