I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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