just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
