I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
