No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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