he thought i was a dude.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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