Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
