Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
