If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
