We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
