you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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