There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
