Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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