I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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