Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
