So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
