...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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