So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
