If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
