TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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