you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
