Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
