She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
