What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
